Male nipple-erection during sex is one of the first casualties of ageing, but not all men lose nipple-erection, and when it is maintained it generally lasts much longer than it did when you were younger.
More importantly, no matter how quickly you have been able to get an erection when you were younger, you will definitely slow up, though gradually, between forty five and fifty-five. Getting an erection will require help: and even if your female partner is skilful in caressing your penis, you will still respond much more slowly. Don't worry how long it may take to become fully erect; the main thing is to have an erection, and you will be generate anxiety and defeat your own objectives if you begin to worry about it.
The testicles get a little bit smaller with age; and the penis has a definite tendency to shrink. This shrinkage can be counteracted by three or four minutes' exercise and massage a day, or every other day. If you are uncircumcised, pull the foreskin right back over the ridge. With the thumb just under the ridge, and the forefinger and second finger at the base of the frenulum, grip the penis and stretch it upwards and outwards away from the body until you feel a mildly painful pulling sensation in the penis. Hold it there until you count fifteen seconds, then let it relax. Repeat this, say a dozen times daily. Ideally this should be followed by five minutes hand massage of the penis, lubricated with a soft cream or oil.
If you want to bring your penis to full erection, keep up the massage, as though you were masturbating - until you feel you will ejaculate if you go on. If you don't obtain an erection, continue with the massage for five minutes. The object is to stimulate the blood-flow into the penis, and thereby not only counteract the shrinkage, but stimulate the erectile tissues so that the erection is achieved more easily and firmly. As I have said, this exercise and massage should be carried out daily if, and is particularly important from the middle-sixties onwards.
You will also notice a difference in ejaculation as you move beyond midlife. When you were a young man, after the point-of-no-return (the point of ejaculatory inevitability) had been reached, you could feel the semen being jerked into and through the urethra. You may not experience this feeling after sixty years of age; but this in no way affects the sensations of orgasm. Previously, too, the semen left the penis in between five and eight spurts. Now there may be only one spurt, and the rest may trickle out of the penis in a continuous flow; or it may leave the penis in a continuous flow from beginning to end.
Some men lose their warning sensations, too, the semen suddenly appearing and taking them by surprise. It's hard to know how many men experience this, but it probably affects more than half of men over sixty-five. None of these things affects the quality of the orgasm sensations very much; and though you probably will not orgasms of the intensity you had when you were, say, twenty-five, they should be entirely satisfying.
What I have said about your partner co-operating with you applies to your co-operation with her. You must find out what helps her most, exploring her body with her as your guide trying to discover the places on it which respond most to caresses, and the type of caresses which draw out the most intensely pleasurable sensations.
Now a word about frequency. You will very likely find as you grow into your late sixties and seventies that your sex drive will reduce somewhat. Ironically, your partner may want to make love more often than you do. Whenever she shows signs of it, but you don't happen to have the urge, it's a good idea to co-operate with her anyway.....even if you don't feel the urge before you start, once you get going you certainly will.
If you can't actually enjoy sex with her because you don't have an erection, bring her to orgasm with oral sex and finger penetration. If you do this in a loving way you will find you can give her the greatest pleasure by going down on her. But I also think you will be surprised at the number of times you can have full intercourse even though you didn't feel like it to begin with. How often? Well, does it matter? If at the age of seventy you can come or feel you want to come once a week, you are doing pretty well; once a fortnight is not bad either. How often doesn't really matter; what really matters is the quality of the sexual experience.
Tiredness as an excuse for not making love is misguided - because if you start, you'll find the energy of lovemaking takes over and the whole thing becomes therapeutic and afterwards potentially energizing and even restful. On the other hand, as you get older, avoid - if you feel so inclined - the use of positions that require acrobatics or sex positions which are tiring.
You don't need to despair when reading this: adapting sex positions as you age is a natural process, and the information given below can be useful at any age. The fact is, you'll find out naturally enough what positions suit you at different ages by trying them out. If you find that some positions are now beginning to seem a bit tiring, then you can adapt them. It's not as if you have to use these positions just because you're middle or post middle aged!
In any event, boredom is the greatest enemy of sex and it helps to have a repertoire not only of foreplay but of sexual positions which will allow you to ring the changes. Six or nine sexual positions can bring wide variety into your sexual experience and will make all the difference between boredom and excitement - here are a few positions which are effective and won't tire you out. By the way, paunches, both male and female, have an awkward tendency to get in the way and to prevent really close physical intimacy in most of these sexual positions. By the way, if you have a bed with a solid footboard, it can be helpful for both partners in several positions: for, if the most active partner lies far enough down the bed so that his/her soles press firmly and quite flat against the footboard, the movements he/she is required to make need not be so vigorous. By pressing your soles against the footboard, a leverage is obtained which allows the pelvic movements to be greatly reduced and yet be just as effective. If you try it out you will see what I mean.
If either of you is a bit on the fat side, you will get the closest penis-vagina contact with the woman above, kneeling. The man lies on his back and the woman kneels astride him, just above his penis. When she has put his penis into her, she sits down on his upper legs.
If the man has so arranged it that he is pressing the soles of his feet firmly against the footboard, when he thrusts with his pelvis he need do so only so slightly that his buttocks do not leave the bed; in fact they need not move at all. This means they will not be tensed, which is the cause of the tiring of more vigorous in-and-out thrusting movements. If you used this position when you were younger, the woman probably made an up-and-down movement on the penis. This can also be quite tiring. It is scarcely tiring at all, however, if the woman, taking hold of one of the man's hands with both of hers, instead of raising herself up and down, rocks backwards and forwards, at the same time as the man maintains contact with her vaginal-entrance and vulva by the slight upwards movement of his pelvis, as I have suggested. With his free hand, he can stimulate either a nipple or the clitoris.
Having the soles of your feet pressed firmly against the footboard also help to reduce the need for more vigorous movements in the traditional man on top sex position. Instead of making in-and-out thrusting movements, he will find that he can make rhythmic rotary movements with his pelvis, so that his pubic bone never breaks contact with her clitoral area. Only when she has already reached orgasm and he wishes to bring himself off, need he begin to use thrusting movements, and it's quite surprising how much less tiring these are when made with the soles of the feet pressed against the footboard.
As a variation on the man on top sex position, instead of having both legs inside the woman's, he places one outside one of hers. His inside foot should press against the footboard. In this position the penis lies in the vagina obliquely, and its movements at this angle provide sensations for the woman which she does not have if the penis goes straight into the vagina. The man can either make the rotary movements with his pelvis which I have just described or make long, slow thrusting movements, but the point is, that with his foot making a purchase on the footboard, he does not have to tense his buttock-muscles, nor make such use of his pelvic muscles, both of which are tiring.
A variation of the woman kneeling above the man is for her to have her back to him. If she leans forward a little, and places the palms of her hands on her knees, she can go forward and back on his penis. In this position, the penis is bent forward against its natural angle, and the top of the shaft is thus pressed hard against the upper vaginal wall - the area of the G spot - which provides extremely pleasant sensations for the woman. The man should make the following movement: with his feet pressed firmly against the footboard, in rhythm with his partner's movements, he makes a movement as though sliding back and forth on the bed. This he does by starting off with his knees very, very slightly bent, and then pushing with his feet and relaxing, pushing and relaxing. He need move only two or three inches along the bed at most, but this is sufficient to bolster the woman's movements, and so both come out of the encounter much less tired.
If you are both quite slim, you can enjoy intercourse lying facing one another on your sides. You will have to sort out the positions of your legs, so that you get the best penis-vagina contact. Again, at least one foot of each partner can press against the footboard to make it less tiring.
Another side by side sexual position suitable for the over-fifties is that in which the woman presents her back to her partner. But here again the couple have to be fairly slim for the penis to get in far enough to give the woman worthwhile sensations. The man should press his lower leg against the footboard and put the other over the top leg of the woman.
For variety, there is a woman on top sex position which is not at all tiring and uses only part of the bed. The man lies with his back on the bed, his buttocks protruding over the edge of the bed supported by a stool or a chest, like a blanket chest. The woman gets astride him, and lowers herself on to his penis, either facing him or with her back to him. When she has guided his penis into her vagina, she sits down on his upper thighs. If she is facing him she rocks backwards and forwards as I described above, or if with her back to him, she supports her hands on the chest or stool and raises her buttocks up and down. Her feet should be firmly on the ground both for frontal and rear entry as this prevents her from getting tired. The man does not move at all, but should concentrate on using both hands to stimulate her either about the breast or clitoris or vaginal entrance in the front position; while in the rear entry he should place a hand on each buttock and assist her gently as she goes up and down. This gives her very pleasurable sensations.
If you use any of the positions which are performed on a chair, see that the chair is low enough so that both you and your partner can place your feet firmly on the ground.
Personally I do not recommend rear entry on the chair. However, if you do decide to use it see that the woman's feet are firmly supported by the floor. In my opinion, the best rear entry sexual position for the post-middle-aged is the standing one, in which the woman leans forward supporting herself on a table or ledge with her hands, and the man stands behind her. Maybe she will have to stand on a low stool or a box, which should be absolutely firm and be wide enough for her to stand with her legs slightly apart, to obtain the most comfortable adjustment for differences in height.
If you use the rear-entry position in which the woman kneels on the bed or floor and leans forward with her head supported on her arms, the man has to kneel behind her, and this can be quite fatiguing if the man has to adjust his height - as happens in nearly every case - in order to ensure effective penetration.
Well, there you are! Now it's up to you. These are only a few suggestions. You should experiment, and be bold in your experiments. And I wish you the best of luck.
By the way, I am often asked what is the best position in which to perform soixante-neuf or sixty-nine, a position in which the partners enjoy mutual mouth-genital kisses at the same time. The most satisfactory position for many people seems to be this: The man lies on his back, with his feet towards the head of the bed and his head a little more than half-way down. The woman places herself above him, with her genital area over his face and her face towards his feet. He places his hands on her buttocks and gently brings her genital area down until he can reach it with tongue and mouth. She will find his genital area within easy reach of her mouth and tongue. If she will keep in the position into which he guides her, he can remove his hands from her buttocks and slip them between their bodies to her breasts, both of whose nipples he can stimulate together. She must be careful not to lie too heavily on him, otherwise it'll be uncomfortable.